Being an independent woman, and saying 'no' to love: I'm no 1950s housewife

Saturday 20 October 2018

Having goals and dreams is a big part of my identity. Without my aspirations, I simply wouldn't be me. Could you imagine, me, Mollie Quirk, not aspiring to be the editor of Vogue? Nah, it's not happening, and it never ever will. I recently had a big eye opening event in my life, and let's just say, I didn't think for a second that this kind of thing even existed in 2018...

For the past two years, I have been romantically in touch (on and off) with an old friend, and let's just say at the beginning of summer things were going really, really well. He and I had history, and we were looking at giving things a go. I was excited. He told me the most amazing things, promised me so many wonderful experiences and adventures, and I truly thought that this could be it. He liked me for me, and he was falling hard, as was I. 

As mentioned, things were going so well, and I was really excited. We were talking about the holidays we would take, the things we would do, and the future that we might have together. He planned to meet with my mum, and I was planning to meet with his. It all seemed fairytale-like until a few things were mentioned that made me stop and reconsider everything. 

We were talking about our goals, and I was expressing my aspirations for being the editor of Vogue, living a life full of amazing experiences, and making a name for myself. Instantly he became defensive. He started to say that he wanted me to be the mother of his eight children in the future, and that he wanted me to stay at home and look after them. He said he wouldn't want me working for anybody else. He said I could have my own business, anything I wanted, but he didn't want me working for another company. He wanted a hot meal on the table when he got home each night, and I had to carry out my 'woman duties'. Okay, so he said he would look after me, he said he would treat me like a princess, and he said that I would never ever want for anything – but for me, my independence is much more important than any of that.. this isn't the 1950s.

1) Everything seemed to be moving too fast, and he seemed rather defensive and possessive, and 2) I will not be told what to do, or get bribed with wonderful things. I mean, speaking about marriage this early on in a relationship? Obviously I'm not playing around, and I am playing for keeps, but I'm twenty, I have goals and aspirations and I will never be dictated too (especially in terms of which job I will be doing, or how many kids I will be having). He is a lovely, lovely boy with an amazing work ethic, incredible family values, and he's a true gentleman – but the life he wanted isn't for me.

I'm a career girl – I want to get a good grade at university, I want to continue dreaming big, I want to become the editor of Vogue, and I want to live a full and prosperous life. But giving that all up in the name of love, and a comfortable and easy life? That isn't me. I wish it was, but it isn't. I have goals that I want to achieve, and none of them include having eight children, or washing dishes day in and day out.

I decided to break things off with him because 1) I want him to find somebody who wants what he has to give, because he will make some girl really happy one day, and 2) It's kind of selfish really, but I want to create my own life without being reliant on somebody else. The whole 'bread winner' thing is dying out, and I don't want to be a part of it remaining in this society/my generation.

I want to be with somebody who will be happy that I have goals of becoming the editor of Vogue, and who will be thrilled when I eventually get there; who doesn't want a netball team of children; who doesn't put too much pressure on things; who doesn't care if he has to cook for himself three nights a week because I'm stuck in business meetings; who wants me to be independent and not reliant on them; and who loves me for me and the future that I want.

I just wanted to write this post to show you all that you don't have to settle. Even though it may break their heart (and yours) at the time, you don't need to believe that what you've found is the best you'll ever get. Of course it would have been lovely to have been taken on holiday to exotic destinations, and to have been provided for for the rest of my life – but that isn't me, and it never will be. Do yourself, and them a favour, and tell them before you're in too deep – if you've got a bad vibe, break it off. And if your ideal future isn't similar, break it off. They'll thank you later, and so will you.

Although I do have the regret of breaking things off (a little abruptly), I don't regret a thing, because my long term happiness is far greater than anything really. He is such a gentleman, but sadly he isn't the one for me.

Remember, you should never feel as though you have to give up anything – dreams, goals, friends, aspirations, or anything else – just because somebody wants you too/loves you, because if they did care about you, they wouldn't want you to give up the things you love, they'd want you to be happy.

Do you think I did the right thing? What would you have done in my situation? Let me know in the comments below...


  1. Go you for staying true to you!!! This post was so empowering and is something that needs to be said more x

    -Charlotte /

    1. Thank you so much for reading, Charlotte! And thank you SO much for your kind comment, I am so pleased you found it empowering!! – Mollie xxx

  2. Thanks for sharing such great post great blog ..... keep updating !!
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  3. yes!!! Know you're worth and don't second guess your dreams! I love your independence, its empowering! Keep up the good work!

  4. He's a dick to expect for you to ruin your health with a team of children and to stop everything for him and them, selfish and possessive to try to dictate to you your life because it's not his call to decide for you. He's not that much of a gentleman at all really if he does that. You've made the best decision

  5. I am so sorry that this guy put you in a position of needing to choose your own happiness and dreams OR a 'Stepford' life with him and your eight kids. - that was awful of him.

    I'm sure you will find someone who will support all the things you want to in life and you absolutely deserve that!


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