Going Back To Being A Brunette Made Me Feel Like Myself Again

Wednesday 30 November 2022

When I was at school I didn't get many compliments. Chubby and unpopular, I was made up when the "prettiest girl in school" - who literally looked like a model - told me that my hair "looked nice". And then in those silly Facebook "rate this, rate that" posts, when all of the girls in my year group rated my hair as my best feature, I just kind of ran with it. I got blonde highlights in high-school before dying it back brunette and sticking to this until my twenties. 

I had always wanted highlights though - but the cost of upkeep put me off. I fancied ombre hair when it was all the rage, and then balayage when that trend exploded on social media. It wasn't until I was 23 though that I took the plunge, paid the money, and got balayage hair done at a salon.

Pleased with the results, I loved my "honey bronde" locks and was excited to get it refreshed in a year or so. So I did, and back in the summer of this year I got my hair re-balayaged and was obsessed. But come the autumn, I wanted some warmer hues throughout. 

Heading back to the hairdressers after recovering from a bout of covid, I decided to get my balayage refreshed with the addition of some copper tones. Told it would fade, I was talked into going "a little darker" as it would last longer - so of course I said yes. So when I came back from the sink with bright red hair? It's safe to say I was a little stunned.

Getting a hair colour I never asked for was a shock to the system, but I thought it would definitely grow on me, so was happy to walk out of the salon with my new look. But when a week and a half had passed, I wasn't so sure. Having a complete mare before going out one morning, I cried and declared that I hated my hair - and that's when I knew it wasn't for me.

Don't get me wrong, the red colour was gorgeous and so pretty! Full of fire and sass, I really wanted to love it. So many people have red hair and totally rock it, but for me it just didn't feel right. 

I felt so far-removed from myself, like I wasn't the person I had spent building up and moulding for 25 years. A quarter of a decade being brunette to be transformed into a red head felt very odd and not right - and that's okay (although it wasn't at the time). 

Crying each day because I saw no way out, I was very tempted to get a box dye and just do it - but was told it would "turn green" because it had been previously bleached, so decided against it. I then called a different salon and booked in for a full head of permanent brown colour... and haven't looked back since. 

I had been considering going back to brunette for a few weeks, so this was definitely the Universe's way of of telling me brunette was the only way for me in this moment. 

As soon as I walked out of the salon with my freshly dyed brunette locks - which are now exactly like my natural hair colour, but maybe a slightly darker hue - I felt like me again. It made me realise that I felt lost with red hair, like I had lost my identity, like I wasn't who I was destined to be. 

My experience just proves that sometimes things might go wrong and leave you questioning everything, but in the end you'll arrive at where you should be... maybe where you should have always been. I don't know if I'll ever get bleach balayage again, but in this moment I know I'm a destined brunette - and I feel very happy about that.

It's official - the old Mollie can come to the phone, because she's come back from the dead.

Now you'll find me looking as sassy and classy as ever before, with my dark brown hair. I could be tempted by a full fringe, but I think I've had enough hair dramas for 2022.

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